I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
