if only i could text you this smell
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
