And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
