i think my tv is drunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
