Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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