Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize