So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
