He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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