he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
