Redeem this text for a blowjob
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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