She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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