No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
