so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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