In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
operation have a gay friend backfired
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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