I hope mine doesn't look like that
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
MIDGETS
????
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
