I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
