Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
