I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
