So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to have your abortion
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
