after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
