she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
