I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
