just come out here and I will go home with you...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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