He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
