Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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