i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize