But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
