Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
