the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize