She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
