he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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