dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
