bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
