we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
