Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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