FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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