Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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