remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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