Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
