dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize