margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't turn off my feet"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
