So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
