we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
