I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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