Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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