I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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