Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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