Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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