i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize