apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
