So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize