heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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