grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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