He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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