Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
