i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
