When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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