she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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