Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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