was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
