Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
