I heard we made out
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
worst night to have a conscience
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
