did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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