Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
