you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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