I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize