Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
