hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
