Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm having to shit out rocks
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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