I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
