The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
