He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's shark week go big or go home
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
