Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
