i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
