no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
