So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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