My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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