And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
