WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
