They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Found your dick twin last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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