Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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