Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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