that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
