Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
