can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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