Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
