dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize