All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
