i think i recognize dicks better than faces
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
