Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
