hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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