Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
