I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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