are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
