she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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