my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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